Men, sometimes we just stick our big foot in our mouths and really make a mess of things. I can certainly say that because I have been doing that for 27 years. OK ladies, I can hear you now, “You are finally getting it!!” Yes, the joke is on me, I am finally getting it.
For many of you that don’t know me, I am Shawn Paul and have been married 27 years to a very special lady, Nancy. We have raised two wonderful daughters, Felecia and Alexis. I can truly say that God has been with us all the way, gently taking us from one step to another. I thank him daily for what he has given us.
Recently, Nancy, Alexis, and I made a huge leap into the mission field here in Honduras. This has been in the making for the past 5 years of our lives. God has shown us a new land and people that he wants us to pour our lives into. As you all might know, this was a huge undertaking. It wasn’t easy and there were a lot of decisions that had to be made on a constant basis.
The decisions and processes that we had to go through is why I am writing this to you today. For many years of our marriage I have made a huge mistake and I owe an apology to my wife. I think my mistake is like many men, you take a dominant role and shut your wife out in the decision making process. You feel as if you are hearing from God in the direction you should be taking the family. Yes, I prayed with my wife and asked her for her opinion, but did I really truly value her opinion and did I seek it on a regular basis.
One thing about me, I hate making mistakes. I am very careful when I make decisions. Usually, I am never in a hurry and I like God to walk me through the process to a level of peace in my heart. So, as you might agree, moving to Honduras could be disastrous and financially devastating! I’m like, “Hey my wife should be in on this. She should be helping me make some decisions. Dot every (i) and cross every (t). It’s a full proof plan!”
Well, during the last 8 months of my life I started to notice something. My wife had a lot of great ideas! I would suggest something, thinking this is the world’s greatest idea. Then she would put her twist on it. I would think, “Wow, I never thought of that.” See,
that’s the point I am trying to get too. I have finally realized, it’s not all about me and God doesn’t only speak to me. He speaks to my wife as well.
Here is an awesome illustration that I just read in one of John Bevere’s books, “Honor’s Reward.” As you can see there is a circle cut in half. One half is the husband and the other half is the wife. When you separate the halves, the circle is not complete, but when they are joined together, they are a complete circle and are one! The x’s represent ideas from God. Guys, as you can see, the wife has ideas as well and without them you are missing out tremendously. God speaks through both partners; it’s his way of uniting us together as one and completing our marriage.
When we make the decision to truly come together as one, not just co-habituating together, but one in thought, God can do amazing things in your marriage. You will truly see a new side of your spouse that you have never seen before. The feelings of togetherness and partnership will take a whole new meaning right before your very eyes. It will blossom other areas of your marriage as well.
I can truly say that these past 8 months has been some of the best times in our marriage. Today, I am truly valuing my wife’s opinion and constantly asking her what she thinks. Trust me; I am getting a new insight on things that I never saw before. It is enriching our marriage and allowing our work to go forward in a more refreshing way. I believe God is going to be able to take us to a level that we would have never been able to before.
I hope this has encouraged many to tear down walls that have been built over the years due to our spouses shutting us down. Allow God to bring a healing in your marriage. Ask him to reach down in both of your hearts to make the changes needed to develop a more healthy prosperous marriage, many blessings to you all.